When Sister Kathryn Maney learns that someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts, she asks her little sister — her biological sister — to join her in praying for them.
“She and I are kind of mission partners now,” Sister Kathryn said of her sister, Clare, who died by suicide on June 15, 2020.
Today, Sister Kathryn, a Marian religious sister, directs a suicide loss program called “Remember” at Red Bird Ministries, a Catholic grief support ministry. The 12-week grief support program launched in June and promises to accompany those who have lost a loved one to suicide. The virtual program is free for participants (except for a $25 journal that they will use during the program).
“Through guided reflections, heartfelt discussions, and the strength of shared faith, this 12-week program helps participants navigate their sorrow while embracing hope,” Remember’s web page reads. “You are not alone. Healing is possible.”
Sister Kathryn spoke with Our Sunday Visitor about the program ahead of September, National Suicide Prevention Month, and November, when the pope’s prayer intention is for the prevention of suicide.
The new program comes after suicide rates increased roughly 36% between 2000 and 2022, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The government agency finds that nearly 50,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2023, which amounts to about one person every 11 minutes. Many more think about or attempt suicide: the CDC reports that an estimated 12.8 million adults seriously considered suicide, 3.7 million planned a suicide attempt and 1.5 million attempted suicide in 2022.
The program
Sister Kathryn’s program calls itself the first-ever Catholic support group model for those grieving loved ones lost to suicide. Developed by Sister Kathryn and Dr. Matthew Breuninger, assistant professor of psychology at Franciscan University of Steubenville in Ohio and founder of Wellspring Counseling & Coaching, the program addresses general and suicide-specific grief, understanding the struggles of the person who passed, Church teaching, Ignatian prayer exercises aimed at healing and more.
For her part, Sister Kathryn hopes that participants come away with a “better understanding of God’s merciful love for them and their loved ones who have died” and know that “Holy Mother Church walks with them, that they’re not alone.”
Through Remember, people can also pay for training to become facilitators, and parishes can pay a one-time fee to access Remember materials, Sister Kathryn said.
Online, at Red Bird Ministries’ website, Remember also lists resources including books, articles, videos, PDF downloads, programs, and directories for Catholic therapists and spiritual direction.
Other program contributors include Dr. Regina Boerio, professor of psychology at Franciscan University of Steubenville; Dr. Sean Stevens, a psychologist in Omaha, Nebraska; Dr. Greg Bottaro, a psychologist and founder of the CatholicPsych Institute; Father Chris Alar, MIC, a provincial superior of the Marian Fathers of the Immaculate Conception and author of “After Suicide: There’s Hope for Them and for You”; and Father Andrew Heaslip, an assistant professor at Mount St. Mary Seminary in Emmitsburg, Maryland.
As Remember begins, Sister Kathryn said her main request is for prayers and sacrifices “that this could grow as the Lord wills it to.”
The beginning
When Sister Kathryn tells the story of how Remember began, she begins with Clare. After Clare passed away, Sister Kathryn asked her local Catholic social service in the Diocese of Lincoln, Nebraska, for help. They pointed her to Mourning Hope, a nonprofit that provides grief support.
She called it a good program but noticed it was secular.
“When you’re talking about the passing of someone, especially traumatically or tragically, there are a lot of questions — and a lot have to do with your relationship with God and things of a spiritual nature,” she said. “That’s part of who we are as whole, human beings. We’re both body and soul.”
When Sister Kathryn received a new assignment in Kansas, she started looking for a Catholic program online to join. She found one group — a group that recommended things like the consultation of mediums, which the Church condemns.
At the same time, in 2022, a beloved parishioner from her home diocese died by suicide. One of Sister Kathryn’s religious sisters was assigned to this man’s parish and asked for help. Sister Kathryn felt frustrated there wasn’t more to offer and spoke to her spiritual director.
“He said, ‘Sister, why don’t you do something?'” she remembered.
As she prayed about it, Sister Kathryn was “flooded with ideas of what could be,” she said, adding that “the Lord also seemed to inspire the name ‘Remember.'”
Taking action
Sister Kathryn received permission from her superior to pursue Remember. She also received the approval and endorsement of her bishop. Her idea gained momentum when she heard Breuninger — the man who later helped her develop Remember — speak at a SEEK conference for Catholic young adults in 2023.
“The Lord just seemed to nudge me to go ask him about Remember,” she recalled. “I was like, ‘Lord, we’re in a large crowd here of like 70,000-plus people … How am I supposed to find him?'”
She got an answer: Breuninger announced that he was available for questions afterward. Sister Kathryn waited in line for two hours to ask for his advice. He surprised her by offering his own help.
“He said, ‘Well sister, you’ve got the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. You’re acting in obedience. I’ve got letters behind my name; I can kick down doors. Let’s do this,'” she said.
Partnering up
Doors continued to open for Remember. Sister Kathryn connected with Red Bird Ministries in 2023 after accidentally getting on their email list.
“I did a little search online for ‘What is Red Bird Ministries?’ because I was tired of deleting these things,” she said. “I was just struck by the fact that they were doing a Catholic outreach for families of child loss.”
She asked Kelly Breaux, the co-founder, for her advice. Afterward, Breaux felt called to have Red Bird Ministries serve as the umbrella for Remember. Again, Sister Kathryn was surprised.
God’s “hand is very evident, and his Providence is very evident in the whole thing,” she said. “It’s very humbling.”
Finding hope
While addressing the misunderstanding surrounding suicide today, Sister Kathryn also spoke about God’s presence at the time of death. She pointed to St. Faustina’s diary, where the saint writes that Jesus comes to the soul three times at the hour of death.
“He was specifically speaking about unprepared souls,” she said, explaining that he offers his mercy three times.
“If they say ‘no’ (all three times), then they have basically chosen eternal damnation,” she said. “But if they say ‘yes,’ then he in his mercy allows for their purification and salvation.”
People’s prayers can also help their loved ones, she added.
“God offers his mercy, and we just hope and pray they say ‘yes,'” she said. “It’s not like there’s no opportunity — for me that gives a lot of hope and consolation.”
Remembering Clare
Today, she remembers Clare fondly.
“I call her my Clare Bear,” she said of her sister 15 years her junior. “I was like a second mom to her.”
In the last year of her life, Clare opened up to Sister Kathryn about some of her struggles.
“I was able, thanks to Catholic Charities in Hawaii, to get her some counseling for free because she was without a job in the midst of COVID,” Sister Kathryn said. “She was struggling, but she was fighting hard at the same time before it just got to be too much.”
Clare, whose name means “light,” could light up any room, she added. “I consider her like God’s little light.”
