People say eating together at the dinner table is a blessing — one of the most surefire ways that families remain close. Nearly every night, our family of seven eats together (it used to be eight, but our oldest is away at college), and rarely does it feel like a blessing. It is loud and messy, and rarely does it lead us to virtue.
There are times, though, when it feels special — on birthdays and holidays, for example. Or when the little kids are quiet and we can have an actual meaningful conversation. The day before Lent begins, however, is generally one of those rare times in our house. That’s the night when we go around the table and discuss what we as a family are going to give up for Lent — and also what each of us plans to sacrifice individually.
Up until last year, we mandated both the family and individual fasts. Last Lent, though, we thought that letting the kids choose their own sacrifices might give them ownership and would cause them to be more committed (and less resentful). It didn’t really work out that way. They chose things that seemed like a sacrifice, but only on the surface. For instance, my son who is always on his phone gave up playing video games, and the kid who is always playing video games gave up being on his phone. Self-sacrificial, they are not. But other than all of the mothers in the world, none of us are, by nature.
The season of Lent hasn’t exactly been a 40-day walk through the desert in our house. Below, however, I have collected some words of wisdom on how each of us might use this Lenten season to focus more intently on growing closer to God and to each other through prayer, fasting and almsgiving.
1. St. Josemaría Escrivá: “You don’t know how to pray? Put yourself in the presence of God, and as soon as you have said, ‘Lord, I don’t know how to pray!’ you can be sure you have already begun.”
As Catholics, we have beautiful, scripted prayers to lean on and grow closer to Christ and those he loves — the Our Father, the Hail Mary, Grace before meals and so many others. But as parents, while it might be uncomfortable and we might not always know what to say, it is important to teach our kids that prayer can also simply be a conversation with God. Ask them who they might know who could use a prayer.
2. St. Catherine of Genoa: “Lenten fasts make me feel better, stronger and more active than ever.”
This is how we should be approaching the early days of Lent as a family. Instead of having our kids focus only on the sacrificial aspect of Lent, we need to remind them of the reason we are fasting — whatever we’re fasting from. If we are strong enough to avoid the temptation to, say, watch television or mindlessly scroll through our phones, what else might we have the power to do? Which of our common sins can we also begin to avoid?
3. Pope Francis: “Lent is a fitting time for self-denial; we would do well to ask ourselves what we can give up in order to help and enrich others by our own poverty. Let us not forget that real poverty hurts: no self-denial is real without this dimension of penance. I distrust a charity that costs nothing and does not hurt.”
The third pillar of Lent — along with prayer and fasting — is almsgiving. As families, too often we forget about this important aspect. Staying committed to our personal sacrifices — not eating chocolate or drinking coffee, fasting from social media or fast food — can affect our personal holiness, but it is important to remember that we are called to reach out, to remember Christ’s call to aid our brothers and sisters in need through the corporal works of mercy. To whom can we give? Who needs our help, whether it’s money or time? Of what do we have extra?
These are the questions that need to be asked around the dinner table as we consider how we will grow closer to God as a family this Lent.
Scott Warden is managing editor of Our Sunday Visitor.
