It wasn’t too long ago that every town, big and small, was dotted with fraternal societies: Knights, Hibernians, Foresters, Elks, Oddfellows, Eagles, VFW … and on and on. There were altar societies, ladies auxiliaries and Catholic Daughters; there were Lions, Rotary and Kiwanis clubs. Children were in Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts, youth auxiliaries and various camps.
While most of the societies listed above are still around today, they don’t carry the same weight or boast the same numbers as they used to. One fundamental we have lost is the idea that, given the fact that most people are married, it provides a healthy balance in life to maintain strong relationships with members of the same sex. Not just friendships, but time out of the house to approach God, community and social issues in a complementary way to family life. The changing of many of these organizations to include both men and women intrinsically altered their purpose.
Starved for community
The advent of easy, high-power home entertainment also reduced the need to get out of the house and do something meaningful or fun. At one time, it wasn’t so much a question of “Do you belong to any groups?” as “Which groups do you belong to?”.
The parish also used to be a hub of community, where many Catholic groups were rooted in faith, service, social life and entertainment. The root of the word “culture” is “cult”: Worship leads to all the ancillary things that bring joy and variety to life; it roots them in a deeper purpose.
Our society, through transportation, individualism and communications technology, has restructured what for thousands of years people scarcely had cause to mention: Man needs society. Even the concept of the nuclear family, while seeming traditional, is much more modern than most think. “Family” once included all your grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles — who likely lived in the same town as you and where your kids would grow up as well. There were no such things as daycares or nursing homes — just home. Home for grandma, who watched the kids. While we might bristle at the thought of all that togetherness, look at what we suffer from now.
It is well publicized that we in America live in the loneliest society of all time. Strangers raise our children, and our ancestors are alienated. Relentless activity, like travel sports, has spoiled the sabbath and fractured families.
What can be done?
Here are a few suggestions:
Register at and participate in a parish. Our Church is inherently unifying and social. Dive as deeply as you can into it. If you don’t have fish fries and parish festivals worth going to, make them that way!
Take “staycations.” Sometimes the most fun is cheap and right around the corner. Invite fellow families and neighbors to join in.
Prioritize Sundays. Sunday is a day for rest and togetherness. Clear out chores, exhausting activities and travel.
Join something (anything!) at your parish. The Knights of Columbus, altar societies, youth groups. If they’re already amazing, great! If they’re boring, perfect! You’re so cool, you can make them amazing!
Let boys be boys and girls be girls — and men be men and women be women! Men need strong male friendships at all stages of life. Women need strong female friendships at all stages of life. This has been obvious forever.
