It was evening, and the chapel was already shrouded in darkness. I knelt in the back pew as I waited for a sister to turn the lights on. I had just flown in from Falls Church, Virginia, to Boston to enter the candidacy of the Daughters of St. Paul, and the very first place the sisters brought me was here, to Jesus the Divine Master, to the heart of the community. I heard the lights switch on, and suddenly the sanctuary was flooded with light.
“Jesus, I am finally here,” I said.
“Kathryn, I am always here,” Jesus said.
I knew I was home.
Around the tabernacle were the words that Blessed James Alberione, our founder, had received from Jesus, a covenant that Lord had made with him and with all who would follow Christ: “Do not fear. I am with you. From here I will cast light. (Jesus pointed to the tabernacle when he said these words.) Be sorry for sin.”
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Do not be afraid. You are never alone. I am always with you, in you, for you. It was in prayer before Jesus in the Eucharist that I learned the extreme lengths of his love that would assure all of humanity of his continual presence to the end of the ages. It was in conversation with him before the tabernacle that I found my strength to continue when I had a stroke at 21 and, in those times of difficulty, where I had to break open my heart and learn to give and forgive with a love greater than my own heart could muster. It is to Jesus, the Good Shepherd, that I daily bring the needs of people carrying burdens that are too heavy for them, asking for them strength, comfort, care and faith as they walk their path in life seeking also to love like him.
I am the Light of the world, you are the light of the world. Like a monstrance, each Daughter of St. Paul is to make Christ present, visible, with his truth, his goodness, his beauty and light, by pointing out and living his way and giving his life. In those early days of my novitiate I learned that Blessed Alberione encouraged us to do our apostolate “on our knees.” He meant that we don’t have what people need. We don’t know what people need to hear. We can’t create what will attract people to Jesus. We can’t do our mission on our own. We are poor and inadequate in every way. In my early 20s, that was a nice thought I tucked away in my mental folder of quotes from our founder. Very quickly after my profession, however, I realized it was not just a spiritual concept. It was a lifeline to the only one who knows the hearts of the people who hear me, whether it’s through my speaking or writing. Jesus alone is master of their lives, who alone knows every moment and hurdle and mountain of happiness that makes up their journey to him. He alone knows what is needed in each case that they may become great saints. I am a Daughter of St. Paul for them, and Jesus is the key to their hearts.
Offer yourself with Jesus as a victim for errors and scandals caused by the misuse of the media, for those who are deceived by the media and led astray from God’s fatherly love. Between the two poles of those who would eliminate all media use from their life as an evil and those who mindlessly soak in all they see, read and hear, the Daughter of St. Paul stands as a balance. She attests to the goodness of these gifts of God given to humanity that we might live in greater communion with each other and with God and she offers herself as a victim to make reparation for the sins committed by those who in their use of the media are not mindful of their dignity and call as Christians, indeed as humans. Each day, I kneel before Jesus in the Eucharist to make reparation for sin, my own and the sins caused by the misuse of media.
On the day I entered the convent, my mother said to me, “We will meet each other before the tabernacle.” In those first days of homesickness, these words were a lifeline for me. But now it is the whole world that I meet before the tabernacle, all people sharing this planet with me gathered into our chapel, crowding around Jesus. I have learned from Jesus in the Eucharist to live for them, to write for them, to speak for them, to pray for them and, yes, even to offer my life for them.
Sister Kathryn James Hermes is a member of the Daughters of St. Paul. She writes from Massachusetts.
