In a society where family bonds are increasingly neglected, how can we foster an environment that supports and nurtures familial growth? For his recent book “Family Unfriendly,” columnist and father-of-six Tim Carney took a close look at the various factors driving the decline in birth rates in the United States and around the world, and he recently shared those insights with Jason Adkins on the “Catholic in America” podcast.
Carney argued that modern cultural pressures — from intensive parenting to societal attitudes toward family size — are severely undermining the well-being of children and the structure of families. The “secularization of our country didn’t lead to some grand, bright enlightening, free of religious guilt,” he explained. “It led to a lot of people not having hope in the future. And that, I think, is at the root of a lot of these problems with a culture that is family-unfriendly.”
Cultural pressures on parenting
One factor Carney discussed is “intensive parenting,” in which parents overinvest in their children’s futures through excessive extracurricular activities and an overwhelming focus on academic achievement. The constant pressure to perform and excel in highly structured environments with little room for spontaneous play can lead to burnout for children, he said.
“This belief that if you micromanage their time, they’ll turn out exceptionally well — that’s a myth and leads to childhood anxiety,” Carney said. “I point to psychiatrists saying the No. 1 cause (of anxiety) is a lack of independent, unsupervised play by children.” He illustrated this point by sharing the story of his son, who became “far happier” after quitting travel baseball and joining a recreational league.
“You definitely help your kids, but you can’t control their outcomes,” he explained. “You can’t make your kids get into an Ivy League school, just like you can’t make them be D1 athletes.”
The ‘baby bust’ and societal attitudes
Carney argued that the rise of “intensive parenting” is part of a larger cultural shift: the growing belief that fewer children is a symbol of societal “advancement.”
“Nowadays, people believe in quality over quantity, that parents are better if you have one or two kids and you can give them the best of everything,” he said. “They just assume that the only alternative to our low and falling birth rates is oppressed women who are being forced to get married because they have no opportunity and then have a bunch of kids because that’s just what’s done.”
The fertility rate in the U.S. has dropped from 2.1 children per woman in 2005 to 1.6 children today. The implications of this “baby bust” are far-reaching, as Carney explained: “You need to pull in the right direction. Right now, our culture shows that people aren’t getting married, aren’t having kids, and the kids are full of anxiety because of all these different pressures.”
Carney also critiqued the modern preference for smaller families because they deprive children of the natural social learning that comes from sibling relationships.
“I always say the best gift my parents gave me was my three older brothers,” Carney said, emphasizing that siblings foster resilience and social skills — key for helping children navigate the complexities of life.
Practical solutions and community support
The solution to these worrisome trends lies not just in a societal shift but in a return to values rooted in faith, Carney emphasized. Families who center their lives around faith and community have a stronger foundation for resilience and love.
Faith provides the stability needed to navigate life’s challenges, reminding families that their true worth doesn’t stem from societal expectations, but from the deeper, enduring purpose found in the relationships they nurture. “It’s going to sound a little cheesy, but really, if your children are confident that you love them and they believe that God loves them, they’re going to turn out pretty well,” he said.
It’s also essential to find — or build — a supportive community. “A lot of listeners probably remember a parish community or a school where there was tons of support. Where if you weren’t going to be home on time, you text your neighbor and say, ‘Hey, little Emma is home, can you just knock on the door and bring her over to your house?'” he said.
“On the local level, that’s what’s going to be the antidote to parental stress, where life is fun, where kids run the neighborhood, where there’s still somebody on the front porch to help them if they skin their knee or to yell at them if they’re doing something stupid,” he continued. “That is so helpful, immersing yourself in a tight-knit community that puts family and faith first.”
Government institutions also have a role in supporting family life through things like urban design, Carney pointed out. “Building sidewalks, building bike trails is important,” he said, noting that that’s the responsibility of the local government. “If my kid wants to play basketball, I should (be able to) say, ‘OK, go.’ And then he gets on his bike and throws his basketball on his backpack and walks or rides to the local basketball court.”
Protecting and cultivating families
Rebuilding strong family structures in today’s increasingly fragmented culture requires a shift in both mindset and societal priorities. As Carney highlighted, the key to fostering resilient families lies in embracing values rooted in faith, community and genuine connection. It’s not about striving for perfection through intense parental control or limiting family size, but about nurturing children with love, space for growth and the support of a broader community.
By cultivating environments that prioritize family life — through faith-driven values, supportive neighborhoods and thoughtful urban design — we can begin to restore the bonds that strengthen families, protect children from modern pressures and provide the foundation needed to face an uncertain future with resilience and hope.
Listen to the full conversation with author Tim Carney here. For a deep dive into navigating politics and culture through the lens of the Gospel and the Catholic faith, check out the OSV podcast “Catholic in America” here.
