For Emily M. DeArdo, memento mori — the practice of meditating on one’s death to live life more fully and in anticipation of eternal life — was more than something to talk about. It was something to live.
The Catholic writer and speaker from Ohio was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, a fatal genetic disease, when she was 11, struggled with tuberculosis when she was 16 and spent two weeks in a medically induced coma at 19. After graduating college, she realized she had only months to live unless she received a double-lung transplant. She did, at the age of 23.
DeArdo shares this journey and more in her book, “Living Memento Mori: My Journey through the Stations of the Cross,” published by Ave Maria Press five years ago. The book draws from two Catholic practices: praying the Stations of the Cross or “The Way of the Cross,” which memorializes moments of Jesus’ passion and death, and practicing memento mori (“remember your death”).
DeArdo, who was born on Good Friday, writes as a friend while providing insight into the meaning of suffering and death in light of Christ’s cross and everlasting life. Along the way, she cites Scripture, the saints and Pope St. John Paul II’s 1984 apostolic letter on the Christian meaning of human suffering, Salvifici Doloris. Each chapter concludes with discussion questions, and the entire book ends with a guide to praying the stations in the spirit of memento mori.
“Facing death has taught me a lot about life,” DeArdo writes in the preface of her book. “And I am grateful.”
DeArdo died at the age of 41, but not before impacting those around her, whether in person or on social media. Some of them spoke with Our Sunday Visitor about DeArdo for the fifth anniversary of her book. They remembered, in particular, her own embrace of the cross and her joy.
Remembering a friend
Sister Theresa Aletheia Noble of the Sisters of the Little Way of Beauty, Truth, and Goodness, the author of several memento mori books, wrote the foreword to DeArdo’s book. She knew DeArdo through social media.
“(B)ut, even in that mediated space, her spirit radiated kindness and compassion,” she told Our Sunday Visitor in emailed comments. “Diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at age eleven, Emily’s long journey with suffering and mortality led her to a place of profound wisdom, maturity and joy.”
“I’m deeply grateful for all she shared — through her posts and her book — before her untimely passing,” she added. “Her presence is still profoundly missed by many, myself included.”
In her book, DeArdo thanks Father Humbert Kilanowski, OP, in the acknowledgements. After she passed away, the Dominican friar, an associate professor of mathematics at Providence College in Providence, Rhode Island, wrote a tribute to DeArdo, a Third Order Lay Dominican.
“We became good friends quickly,” he told Our Sunday Visitor about meeting her in 2010. “I was preparing to enter the friars and she herself was actually thinking of becoming a nun at the time.”
He met DeArdo at St. Patrick’s Church, a Dominican parish in Columbus, Ohio, during a Third Order meeting. He described her as someone who kept her eyes focused on Christ.
“She suffered a lot during her life on Earth, but she never let that get her down,” he said. “She definitely bore her share of the cross, and it was a heavy one, but her faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ — knowing that he came into the world to take on human suffering and sanctify human suffering in this world — that’s what kept her going.”
“You could see just from knowing her, even if you only knew her through social media online, that the grace of Christ was working through her and leading her to live a fulfilling life despite her suffering, despite her limitations,” he added.
DeArdo’s blog, which continues with posts from family and friends, reveals some of DeArdo’s many accomplishments, from being named “Young Catholic Woman of the Year” by the Diocese of Columbus in 2005 to appearing as a contestant on “Jeopardy!” in 2016.
A companion on the way
Mary Parker, the associate director for the Office of Pro-Life Ministries for the Diocese of Columbus, said that she met DeArdo when they served as bridesmaids at a mutual friend’s wedding. They were friends for over a decade.
“We both shared a common love for the Dominican Order, good literature, musicals and finding new coffee spots in our hometown, Columbus, Ohio,” Parker said in emailed comments. “We both suffered with health issues, and Emily was one of the few people who could empathize without pitying me.”
Parker shared what she most wanted people to know about DeArdo and her book.
“I would want people to know that every cross, no matter how small, has meaning and is precious to God,” she said. “Emily exemplified that in her life of both extraordinary and ordinary suffering.”
“I think that her meditations on the Way of the Cross are perfect for anyone who is facing a challenge,” she added. “Now that Emily has passed away, she is a friend on the journey, cheering us on to reach the light of glory that can only come through the cross.”
