Beverly Jacobson still remembers when she received a prenatal diagnosis for her daughter, Verity.
“I was about halfway through the pregnancy and got the news that she had Edwards syndrome or Trisomy 18,” she said of the rare genetic condition marked by an extra copy of chromosome 18. “I had never heard of it … the literature was very grim, and then the discussions in the doctor offices were pretty dire.”
She added: “We spent probably a month and a half assuming that we should be planning a burial.”
Today, Verity is a thriving 8 year old, and her mother, Jacobson, has dedicated her life to helping other parents who receive a prenatal diagnosis through her nonprofit, Mama Bear Care. She spoke with Our Sunday Visitor after addressing the national March for Life in Washington, D.C., this year and ahead of World Down Syndrome Day on March 21.
For the global awareness day, Jacobson shared her message for parents who have received a prenatal diagnosis, including a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome.
“I want them to know their baby is not a mistake, that their baby is precious,” she said. “I know it can be hard, it can even be sad, but the joy and the opportunity for blessings to come out of that is something that we can’t discount.”
Jacobson, a Christian, emphasized that “God has a plan for your child and for you as a family.”
She wanted parents to know that they’re not alone, and that many organizations and people exist to walk with them, including Mama Bear Care.
“I felt very isolated at the beginning of our journey because nobody I knew had gone through this and there wasn’t anyone local to me who had managed this,” she said. “So finding some online connections for me was a lifeline, and it gave me hope because I began to see possibilities.”
Meeting Verity
She described what life with Verity looks like today. She’s nonverbal, but she still communicates; Her family and friends know when she’s happy or when she’s frustrated or tired. She was born with clubfoot, so she has undergone casting and surgical corrections. She uses a feeding tube as well as a gait trainer and a walker with assistance. She also suffers from a heart condition and a seizure disorder.
These are things, Jacobson said, that initially scared her. Now, she said, “it’s just part of life.”
While Verity’s life looks a little different, she is, in many ways, like any other kid.
“She thinks it’s so funny when her siblings put something on her head and she’ll nod and it’ll drop off,” Jacobson said. Laughing, she added, “I think she especially likes to knock off her toys to make a really loud noise, which always makes mom jump. She thinks it’s hilarious.”
Verity also enjoys music and playing outside.
“We’ve noticed when it’s windy or even breezy, she will stick out her tongue,” Jacobson said. “I just think of it as she’s trying to taste the wind, she just has this happy look on her face.”
Trusting God
Jacobson shared how her faith impacts how she sees life.
“That obviously informed our family decision that we were going to let God plan our family,” she said. “Verity’s number nine, and I just feel like God took us on a journey of trusting him with my fertility and with our children.”
She revealed that she and her husband lost two babies along the way through miscarriage.
“When I look back, I really believe that God just had that path for us, to prepare us for Verity,” she said, pointing to the grief and uncertainty with the prenatal diagnosis.
“I do believe that God had these purposes in mind for us,” she added, “to not only walk the journey ourselves, but then to come alongside other families and prayerfully show them the hope that we have in Christ — and the hope in knowing that these babies are not mistakes.”
Embracing life
While no one suggested abortion to Jacobson when she was pregnant with Verity, she later realized that she was the exception after she began working with more and more moms.
“The norm is that not only is abortion offered, but it’s pushed,” she said. “In some cases, the moms are being scheduled for an abortion appointment before they even know about the diagnosis.”
In the past, multiple studies have found that the majority of women who receive a prenatal diagnosis for their babies like Trisomy 18 or Down syndrome undergo an abortion.
“It’s really disheartening … when you hear people talk about choice and the woman should choose and yet [abortion is] presented as, ‘This is your next step,'” she said.
Becoming mama bears
Jacobson still encountered difficulties while pregnant with Verity, she said. One specialty doctor told her that Verity would be a drain on her family mentally, emotionally and financially.
“That has absolutely not been the case,” she said. “Not to minimize the difficulties — because the first few years are hard, it’s a big learning curve — but she has brought to our family immense blessing and love and joy and the opportunity to learn service and compassion.”
At Mama Bear Care, “we want to make sure nobody does this journey alone,” she said, referring to the moms that they serve as fellow “mama bears.”
“We like to say a mama bear has fierce love and tender care,” Jacobson said. “This is a God-given love and protectiveness for the babies that he is knitting together inside our womb.”
She hopes to empower all moms to “unleash their inner mama bear.”
“Because a lot of times, you think, ‘I can’t do this, I don’t know how to take care of a child with these kinds of needs,'” she said. “You start to believe the lies: This is going to hurt my marriage, it will cause my family to fall apart.”
“But when you are empowered and you have the resources,” she concluded, “you can let that fierce love drive you to do what is best for your baby and your family.”
