Marriage experts are commenting on St. John Chrysostom’s message about marriage ahead of Valentine’s Day, on Feb. 14.
The Church Father — one of 37 saints named a Doctor of the Church for his contributions to the Faith — earned the name “Chrysostom,” or “golden-mouthed,” for his eloquent preaching. His words appear several times in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, including on the subject of married love.
The catechism quotes one of St. John Chrysostom’s Homilies on Ephesians in its section on “The Love of Husband and Wife”:
St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us. . . . I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you. (No. 2365)
Catholic speakers and writers on marriage have found the saint’s message thought-provoking, including Kevin Lowry, the author of a new devotional for husbands called “Honor Thy Wife: A 31-Day Spiritual Journey of Marital Renewal.“
“The sheer intensity of this quote is mind-blowing,” he told Our Sunday Visitor in an email. “Do we truly love our spouses this much? Men, do we love our wives like Christ loves the Church … with a cosmic unity that will reverberate throughout eternity?”
Lowry, a convert to Catholicism, pointed to the impact of marriage on his own life.
“I’ve often thought of marriage as the underrated sacrament, yet it’s an ideal context for many of us to grow in charity and humility,” said Lowry, who also serves on the board of directors for Our Sunday Visitor. “I’ve only been married 35 years, but the flow of sacramental grace continues in torrents and my wife keeps getting cuter.”
He added that, “Eight kids and nine grandkids into our epic love affair, I’m so crazy about her that I literally wrote a book to help myself and other guys become better husbands. St. John Chrysostom, pray for us!”
One as the Father and Son are one
In response to the saint’s quote, Mary-Rose and Ryan Verret, the founders of Witness to Love marriage ministry and consultants to the Vatican’s Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life, commented on the importance of unity between spouses.
“Unity is the most difficult thing in the Christian life and in marriage,” the couple responded in emailed comments. “It’s also the most rewarding.”
They cited Chapter 17 of the Gospel of John, where Christ prays that his disciples may be one as he and God the Father are one.
“Unity is the fundamental aspect that allows a marriage to grow,” the Verrets said. “Being of one mind is very difficult as every married couple can attest. This is also an area that mentor couples can give a beautiful witness to!”
The beauty of God’s plan for marriage
Kathleen Billings, who wrote a book with her husband, Troy, called “Simply Love: Catholic Marriage Day by Day,” spoke about God’s plan for marriage in light of St. John Chrysostom’s message.
“When marriage is lived according to God’s plan, it’s absolutely beautiful,” Billings told Our Sunday Visitor. “But it requires daily sacrifice and dying to oneself in order to create this level of love and beauty that God designed from the very beginning.”
“God created woman from man, and from man and woman’s conjugal union, life,” she added. “God’s design for marriage is literally woven into the very fabric of our bodies. But over time of course through sinful nature, this original plan often gets clouded.”
“But just on a personal level, when women feel deeply loved by their husband and can trust him, she is free to be the woman that God created her to be,” she said. “And likewise, when a husband feels loved and respected by his wife, he is motivated to take his place gracefully as the head of the home.”
