In the classic 1983 film Mr. Mom, Michael Keaton’s character, Jack Butler, finds himself navigating the unfamiliar territory of domestic life after a job layoff. One memorable scene captures Jack attempting to drop his children off at school. Time and again, he’s chided by his son Jimmy that he’s “doing it wrong.” The iconic scene ends with parents honking and a teacher’s exasperated remark to Keaton, “Hi Jack. You’re doing it wrong.”
I always begin Lent with the best intentions, but in my attempts at spiritual reform and personal growth, I’ve often found myself “doing it wrong.” And while I haven’t yet mastered how to navigate Lent, I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way.
From my personal experience, here are five ways to do Lent wrong that will guarantee you have a fruitless season:
1. Set unrealistic goals
Aim for grandiose spiritual feats without considering your current state of life or personal limitations. Decide to pray for hours daily, fast rigorously, and read an entire theological time each week. By overcommitting, you’re more likely to become overwhelmed, leading to early abandonment of your Lenten practices.
You won’t become John Paul II or Mother Teresa because you did a daily holy hour for three days. And that’s okay. The real danger is that by setting unrealistic goals, discouragement sets in and we accomplish nothing, rather than something. Don’t overlook the simple ways God is inviting you to make a change in your life.
2. Neglect prayer
Treat Lent as a purely physical challenge, focusing solely on fasting or adding exercise, while sidelining prayer. This approach ensures that your sacrifices lack spiritual depth, reducing Lent to a diet rather than a time to renew your friendship with Christ. Sometimes, this sneaks in small ways, which is why we must remain vigilant. If your Lenten resolutions are in service to your vanity, they shouldn’t be a priority.
3. Keep your plans vague
Enter Lent with ambiguous intentions like “being better,” “praying more” or “reading Scripture” without outlining specific actions or setting measurable goals. This lack of clarity makes it easy to procrastinate or forget your commitments altogether. What prayers will you say? When will you pray? What virtues will you practice? What book of Scripture will you read? How will you unplug and make time to hear God’s voice?
4. Isolate yourself
Attempt to navigate Lent entirely on your own, avoiding your friends or accountability. By isolating yourself, you miss out on shared encouragement and wisdom, making it easier to stray from your Lenten resolutions. Community matters. If you’re trying to ditch a habitual sin, chances are pretty good that you’re not going to be able to kick it alone.
5. Focus solely on personal sacrifice
Concentrate exclusively on what you’re giving up, without considering acts of charity or almsgiving. This narrow focus turns Lent into a self-centered endeavor, ignoring the Gospel’s call to serve others and grow in love. What if you actually filled up your rice bowl this Lent and made a real gift to Catholic Relief Services? What if you volunteered to organize that cluttered closet in the parish hall or deep-cleaned the parish kitchen? What if you called a friend who is a caregiver and offered to help?
And, the very worst thing you can do this Lent, the queen mother of all ways to waste this holy season, is: live like it’s all up to you.
Lent is a season of grace given by God. We can render ourselves more or less disposed to receive those graces, but in the end, growth in the spiritual life belongs to him.
Do you want to have a great Lent? Surrender to God and open your heart to him.
