In this series, we’ve been exploring the fact that most of what we think of as “Catholic spirituality,” comes mostly from the monastic and clerical traditions of the Church. As such, while beautiful and helpful in many ways, it doesn’t tend to fit very easily in family life.
Traditional (i.e., monastic and clerical) Catholic spirituality focuses on silence and simplicity. By contrast, Catholic family life is and always will be loud and complicated. While it’s true that families can benefit significantly by learning to slow down, creating times for quiet reflection, and simplifying where possible, family life will always, by nature, be noisier and more complicated than monastic or religious life. Since God created families, we need to learn to see family life’s unique dynamics as a feature of family spirituality, not a bug.
The Liturgy of Domestic Church Life is an ancient but newly articulated approach to family spirituality. I, and my colleagues at Holy Cross Family Ministries (an apostolate of the Congregation of Holy Cross priests), as well as the theologians, social scientists and pastoral ministry professionals, whose work and research contributed to it, propose that this framework is the actual liturgy of the domestic church. The practices of this liturgy transform common families into dynamic domestic churches — outposts of God’s love and grace in a hurting world.
The Liturgy of Domestic Church Life helps families see that family spirituality is integral to what they already do all day. It helps families experience the “stuff” of family life as a little way of holiness in the home and a way to witness the power of God’s love to the world. The Liturgy of Domestic Church Life has received support from various organizations in the USCCB, as well as the Vatican Dicastery for Laity, Family, and Life, and the General Secretary for the Synod of Bishops in Rome.
In this article, I want to walk readers through the Liturgy of Domestic Church Life framework and present “baby steps” — little ways your family can celebrate each part of the liturgy and begin to grow closer to God and each other every day.
The Liturgy of Domestic Church Life is divided into three rites — the rite of Christian relationship, the rite of family rituals, and the rite of reaching out — each of which helps families live out the priestly, prophetic and royal mission of baptism, respectively. There are four general practices associated with each rite. I’ll offer a baby step for each.
The rite of Christian relationship
This rite helps families live the priestly mission of baptism. By learning to put a little bit of God’s sacrificial love into everything families do, we activate our common priesthood, consecrating everyday life to Christ and making common things holy. This is how families learn to live the Christian vision of love and relationship. It involves four practices.
1. Prioritize family time — Families must learn to “choose the better part” (Lk 10:42), choosing relationship and intimacy over activity. That’s how we make time to disciple our children and create families that are an intimate communion of persons (cf. Familiaris Consortio, No. 17).
Baby Step: Each evening, after a little time of family prayer, discuss as a family, “How can we make a little time to connect as a family?” Put it on your calendars/phones.
2. Share generous affection and affirmation — Parents are called to image God’s love to their children (cf. Catechism of the Catholic Church, No. 239). God’s love is superabundant and overwhelmingly generous. Parents serve God by creating homes that are generously affectionate and affirming.
Baby Step: Hug your kids several times a day. Don’t let go until “they” do. Make the Sign of the Cross on their head while you’re holding them as a reminder that as much as you love them, Jesus loves them more.
3. Prompt, generous, consistent, cheerful attention to each other’s needs — St. Pope John Paul II said that healthy Christian relationships are rooted in “mutual self-giving.” But the biggest problem in marriage and family life is the constant temptation to love our comfort zones more than we love each other.
Baby Step: Challenge yourself (and your whole family) to practice Christ’s sacrificial love by asking, yourselves, “How could I stretch myself a little bit today to do something that says, ‘I love you’ or ‘I want to feel cherished.'”
4. Discipleship discipline — St. John Bosco developed the Preventive System, an approach to education that rejects harsh punishment in favor of encouraging virtue and building character. Applied to parenting, we call this “discipleship discipline.” This approach considers parents to be mentors and treats bad behavior as an opportunity to teach kids better solutions.
Baby Step: When your child misbehaves, instead of asking what punishments you can lay down in the hope that spontaneous behavior spontaneously erupts, ask: “What problem was my child trying to solve or what need were they trying to meet?”; “How could I teach them a healthier/godlier way to solve that problem or meet that need?”

The rite of family relationships
This rite enables families to live the prophetic mission of baptism. The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us that prophets call others to lead godly lives through their words and actions. When Christian families create strong family rituals for working, playing, talking and praying together, they model Christian attitudes toward all the things that human beings do.
1. Work together — Christians don’t see work as just something to get done. We see it as an opportunity to show up for each other, care for each other, and be good stewards of the gifts God has given us. Individual chores are fine, but making time to work together as a family shows you how to use the “stuff” of family life to build connections.
Baby Step: Pick one chore that you’ll do together every day — wash dishes together, fold laundry together, pick up a room together. Don’t just focus on getting it done. Focus on doing it in a way that enables you to enjoy each other’s company and connect.
2. Play together — The world is happy to teach our kids sinful and destructive ways to “enjoy” themselves. When Christian families play together, we model healthy, godly ways to have fun.
Baby Step: As a family, list things you can do in 15-20 minutes to carve out a little time for family fun each day. Then, pick one thing on the list to do daily (or use it to generate new ideas).
3. Talk together — Christian families are called to create communion through communication. Family meals, family meetings, parent-child dates, and similar activities help families make heart-to-heart connections and learn how to be there for each other.
Baby Step: Whenever you have a family meal or family time discuss: “What are some ways we felt God was there for us today?”; or, “What are some ways we could be a better team today?”
4. Pray together — Of course, family prayer times (morning, meal-time, evening) are the bedrock of family spirituality. Still, ultimately, we need to cultivate a family prayer life that invites Christ to be the most important member of the family, the one who knows us best and loves us most.
Baby Step: Make a habit of inviting God into the little ups and downs of the day. Offer a little out-loud prayer of praise for the little blessings of the day (i.e., “Thank you, Lord, for X!”). Ask for help (out loud) with the challenges of the day (i.e., “Lord, please help us with X”). Give your kids blessings (lay hands on them and briefly pray over them) before school, tests, games, recitals, or other moments where extra grace is needed.
The rite of reaching out
This rite enables families to live out the royal mission of baptism. We reign with Christ by serving with him. These practices remind families to be God’s blessing to each other and the world.
1. Serve each other generously at home — Service isn’t just something we do for others. It begins with how we take care of each other at home.
Baby Step: After your brief morning family prayer time (or after bedtime prayer the night before), ask the question, “What’s one small thing each of us can do to make each other’s life a little easier or be a better team?”
2. Being mindful of others while still at home — Remember! We can make a difference in the lives of others without even leaving home.
Baby Step: Once a week, discuss what you can do as a family to be a blessing to others. Work together to collect gently used clothes or toys for donation. Make a meal (or bake cookies) for someone you know who needs help or cheering up. Does a neighbor need help with a project? Can you invite a family over for godly fun and fellowship?
3. Being a godly family in the world — When you go out as a family to run errands, have a meal or have fun together. Remind others of their dignity and worth as God’s children by treating people with respect, using good manners and looking for little, appropriate ways to be helpful.
Baby Step — Before you get out of the car, remind each other to be on the lookout for ways you can leave the people you meet a little better than you found them. Discuss what you did when you get back in the car after.
4. Serving together as a domestic church — Don’t let service be one more thing that divides your family. Look for opportunities to serve others together as a family. Bless others with both your service and the witness of love you give by serving together.
Baby Step — Ask that your family be scheduled to serve at the same Mass (lector, cantor/choir), usher, alter server) so that you can all attend together. And/Or, look for parish or community charities that would allow you to volunteer as a family.
Encouragement and support
Don’t feel like you have to do all these things overnight. This is a lifelong plan. Start by trying to be more intentional about the things your family is already doing. Then expand to one thing you’d all like to do more of. Then grow from there.
If you’d like support and resources to help you stay on track, check out the CatholicHŌM (Households on Mission) app we created to help families live the Liturgy of Domestic Church Lice. It’s an online community offering personalized family coaching, podcasts, downloadable activities, monthly online meetings, professionally moderated discussions and all the support you need to create a more faithful, loving, connected and caring Catholic family life.
Regardless, I hope these suggestions will help you discover all the ways your family can grow closer to God and each other just by being more intentional about the things you do to build a healthier, happier and holier family life.